Friday, February 14, 2020

Back in Virginia

Posted: February 14, 2020                                      Previous Posts:
About:  May 2019          Last Days in Florida: Rainbow Springs and Gamble Rogers
                                                                         March and Early April 2019


I’ve heard that readers have been getting confused about the posts I’ve put up since I resumed blogging.  I began this new blog, On My Own, at the end of my old one, Direction of Our Dreams, when my husband David died of Multiple Myeloma after a 7 year battle.  Each subsequent post on this blog has been about the months following that.  At some point I hope to be posting in real time.  This post talks about the month of May 2019. 3 months after David’s death.  I hope this isn’t too confusing.


May 2019:


Back in Virginia I began the dozens of telephone calls to deal with the medical bills I have received for David’s treatment his last few months of life.  I’ve learned not to bother with them for months until the insurance company works it all out and sends me at least two notices that they have paid all they are going to pay.  My vehicle registration stickers have never shown up so I have to call about those.  There is so much “business” and I hate every bit of it.



Lucky me, in early May Carrie, Celia and Colin came to visit so Carrie could attend her high school reunion.  We had a wonderful time as always but Carrie and I were both really missing David.

This was the first time we’d been back at the house without him.  No more cherry pie, no more BIG farm breakfasts, no more fun playing games together.

It makes me very sad that his grandchildren may not even remember him.  Colin certainly won’t and Celia will only be 3 later this month.




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The internet signal is extremely weak here and the temperatures in the mid 80’s in the middle of May are unusually hot and humid. 

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We keep a car and a truck at the farm as well as a riding lawn mower.  All 3 batteries were dead when I returned.  That has never happened in 9 years on the road now.  OF course it hasn’t.  This makes getting the nearly knee high grass mown very difficult.  I have someone who is supposed to mow it.  Looks like he’s not very reliable.  Although the buttercup filled yard is very sweet and  Celia and I can make out the brick walk as we bring in boxes to use in the clearing out Carrie has come to help me do.

Colin helps by being his cute self although he is quite the distraction and interruption in the progress.

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My musical family at play.

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I wait until they have gone home to clean out the RV. I don’t want to ask Carrie to have to help me with her Dad’s clothes, hats, medicine.  It’s all very very difficult.  And so incredibly sad.  He was so alive, so young really when I think of my 99 year old father.

His favorite hats

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So much medicine.  How he kept it all straight was amazing.  Taking some in the morning, some mid day, some at night.  I return it all to UVa Hospital where they dispose of it for me.  Not sorry to see it go but very sad all the same.  He tried so hard to fight this terrible disease even knowing it was ultimately a losing battle.



David was a well known pack rat which was another reason we didn’t sell the farm at first when we went fulltime.  First we weren’t sure we would like RVing having been serious and rather snooty tent campers for years.   When we loved it, luckily we didn’t come back and take the time necessary to clean everything out and sell it.  It would cut severely into the time David was able to spend traveling.  We were always going to clean out and sell “next time”.   Then came the diagnosis and we were afraid to sell in case he could not continue to travel at some point.  His doctors had said he had three to five years. 

He wanted to stay on the road as long as he could which turned out to be forever.   But now I’m left with all the “stuff”.  David’s sister Robin comes to help with some clean out and takes these wonderful old metal toys from their family with her.






Among a myriad of other boxes and drawers we went through, we found this match collection.  The matches too old too strike having been kept in humid Virginia.  I later learn there is a market for these.  I don’t have the energy to deal with it even if I’d known before throwing them out.  He had several clear mushroom shaped jars full of these old matchbooks. 






I get the yard mowed finally after having days of trouble with the mower.  I took this picture as a “before” shot as I started to use the weed eater to get the grass off of the brick walkway.  

I take another shot some days later when I am “almost” finished with the walk clean up.


David also keep filing cabinetS full of papers.   Two in the house and two in a shed outside.   My friend Pam graciously spent an afternoon going through them to take out anything with social security numbers on it so I could shred those papers and recycle the rest.  What we found was just amazing and she kept me laughing rather than crying with her wry comments. 

Thank you Pam for making a tedious chore actual fun.  What a great friend you are!

I think even David would have had to laugh at some of what we found.  Like parking tickets from 1988 and a hospital bill for physical therapy he had for his back in 1971 before I even knew him.   How could these possibly be needed?   I’d give anything to be able to ask him and hear what funny response he would give.  



I miss you so David, packrat and all!!

34 comments:

  1. Your grandchildren are so adorable. More than once I Said my Joe was an “organized hoarder”

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    1. Thanks Betty. I think they are darling too. I love your comment about Joe. I understand completely but it's tough cleaning out all the "stuff"

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  2. I agree with Betty that your grandchildren are precious.

    I'm a real pack rat myself, and keep telling myself I will start going through desks, dressers, closets, etc., and tossing things.

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    1. Thanks Gypsy, they are really darling children even if I am their grandmother. Not sure I can get through all of David's "stuff" especially in the out buildings in my life time.

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  3. The other reason you might be feeling sad is that many of the "To Do" things that kept you busy after David's death are mostly finished and you have time on your hands. We did have fun going through all of those papers, didn't we? xxxooo

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    1. Taking care of David kept me busy and was a lot more fulfilling than all the "business" of his death. You definitely made that chore so much less tedious. Thank you!

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  4. Buttercups and grandchildren. Such a nice welcome home.

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    1. What a wonderful way of putting it. thank you.

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  5. Hi Sherry. I am spending the night with my sister and catching up on your blog. I love your farm and love seeing pictures of the grandchildren there. It would be great to know David's justification for holding on to the old receipts. I finally broke myself of that. Thank you for writing this blog. I know parts are painful. Love to you.

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    1. Yes I'd love to know. For years we kept receipts for 7 years for tax purposes but I had no idea of the "backlog". I hope your sister continues to improve. Love back to you. You've been a good friend to both of us.

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  6. The babies are so adorable and must have at least brought you some happyness. I happy you had some help with the clean out from family and friends. It means so much.

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    1. Those kids definitely bring me joy and take my mind off of the sadness that in my life.

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  7. Thank you much for writing about all this. You have no idea how much it can help someone who has experienced great loss to see it is possible to keep going. Not referring to myself here, but I can imagine others who have lost a spouse will be comforted.

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    1. Thank you Sue. I am hoping you are right. I have a record of these days in my journals but the main reason I cam taking this into another blog is that it shows the way I am having to start my life over. I do hope it will help others.

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  8. Thank You for these posts. We are in Alaska for two weeks now. It is 12 degrees and pretty but missing Florida.

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    1. Back to Alaska for two weeks in FEBRUARY? Good grief! Thanks for commenting Tom. It's very reinforcing to know who is reading and what they think.

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  9. My favorite photo is of your "Musical Family"...made me smile:o))) My second favorite was of "David's Hats"...made me smile a wonderful remembering smile...such a great guy...we miss him too!!!

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    1. Thank you Nancy. He was a gentle kind man who died much too young.

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  10. Thank you for continuing your story. I can't imagine how a reader could be confused; you explain quite clearly the time period you are covering. Wishing you minimal red tape as you work through everything.

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    1. Thank you for commenting. It means a lot to me.

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  11. It's heartbreaking having to go through a loved one's personal effects and clear them out. I'm still not able to clear out the clothing and meds from my late Dad's room, even though he lived with me for just under two years. I can't imagine how hard it is for you. But I'm so glad you have such wonderful help to get things done and keep moving forward.

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    1. Thanks Paul. I apologise if I should have known about your father. My brain is a fog and my memory worse. I'm sorry for your loss. Your father was such an amazing man.

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  12. Colin looks so much like his momma! And Celia is getting even cuter as she grows up (she's already four now!!) After four "purgings" following the passing of parents, spouse and god parents I know what a mixed chore it is. Great to have the memories, exhausting to have the decisions. I think at one point we all think it would be easier to just toss it all, but then we stop because we are afraid we'll miss something priceless to us. Glad you're having some help. Glad you're being smart to ask for it! Isn't it amazing that David was able to stay on the road 'til the very end? What a blessing for both of you. Hugs my friend. Hope this comment posts!

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    1. It is absolutely amazing Jodee. He was such a fighter. It was nice of both Robin and Pam to come and spend a day helping. So much to do. Thanks so much for your comment. It's wonderful to hear from you again.

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  13. It's always wonderful to spend time with family. Some pretty cute faces there. It is amazing what we keep and why we keep it. I'm glad you had a friend to go through the paperwork in the cabinets. It's very difficult to see hand written notes from the one that is no longer there to decipher them. So much work to do at times and yet it isn't always possible to keep your mind off of the memories that flash and flood your brain when you first return to the place that your loved one shared with you for so long. Soon the good memories will edge out the less than good ones and each time you return it will be easier to remember the good times and less of the pain.
    I think you are doing extremely well and I have no doubt of the hurt, anger and pain you feel at each step. Time will not heal the wounds but it will lessen the edges. Keeping going forward Sherry, you are doing very well, even if you don't think you are, you truly are getting through the drudge of each day. With each piece of paperwork that is finished and put behind you, you are moving forward. Keep going Sherry, you will eventually get to a better place. Deb

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  14. Deb, your comment is so understanding and encouraging. Thank you.

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  15. The paperwork and business that needs to be got through can seem overwhelming, but it can also be a distraction. Its horrible having to do it, but having nothing to do would be even worse. I think two things I learned were firstly not to be too drastic about throwing everything away. I kept a sun shirt and a scarf. It was my sister in law who encouraged me to keep something back and she was right. I tucked them away in a cupboard for a time because I couldn't bear to see them, but now the sun shirt hangs in my wardrobe and makes me smile when I open it and catch sight of it. I wear the scarf when its cold and it feels like a hug. The other thing I learned was to find something that I enjoyed doing and needed to concentrate on whilst doing it. For you I guess that is kayaking, for me it is art. Whilst I am painting, I find that I focus on that and just for that period of time all the thoughts crowding in on me get driven out. It gave me just that bit of respite to help me carry on. I hope you find things that do the same for you too.

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  16. What a wonderful comment Michele. Thank you. You are so right that the business was tedious and stressful but gave me something to do. It just seemed to go on and on and on. I do wish I'd kept his favorite shirt. I did keep some t-shirts that he wore and I still have those hats and 2 pair of his cowboy boots that I just couldn't let go of yet.

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    1. I remember my Dad kept my Mum's handbag in its cubby hole in the kitchen and her apron hanging on the back of the pantry door. He never mentioned them, they were just there.

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    2. That's a very touching memory.

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  17. Oh, Sherry, you described so poignantly your return home to the farm without David. What a monumental task you faced, emotionally and physically.

    We're having a hard enough time dealing with the lifetime accumulation that my parents left behind after moving them into assisted living a few months ago. Sometimes it feels like we're never going to get through this mountain of stuff. I don't know how you managed it, almost all on your own. Sending hugs.

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  18. The hard part of death is going through all the 'stuff', wondering what to do with it all, and the guilt for getting rid of it. Been there for sure with grandparents and my Dad as well. I'm glad you have help with it.

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  19. It is hard for me to read these blogs as I remember how difficult these months were and I felt I just couldn't help enough. I also smiled seeing these special pictures of Celia and Colin. I try to keep Dad alive for them in pictures and stories. I am so immensely grateful that you have Pam and Robin. Diamonds in the rough. I love you, Mama. You are making your way brand new with strength. I can only imagine hpw hard it seems. Hugs always.

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  20. The kids would be a tonic in such a time.

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