Thursday, February 6, 2020

March & Early April 2019

Posted:February 6, 2020                                               Previous Posts:
About: March & April  2019                                  Feb & March 2019: Missing David
Silver Springs  State Park                                                   The End and The Beginning


IMG_7909Near the end of March I left E.G. Simmons and moved to Silver Springs State Park in Ocala.  The kayaking there is the main event.  They also have pull through sites which I really appreciate in my novice backing up state and some sites, but not mine, have sewer which doesn’t matter as much to me.

There are two ways to get your kayak into the Silver River.  You can drive out of the park and around to the entrance to what was once the private tourist facility before the state bought it.  They still have the glass bottom boat rides and they rent kayaks or you can launch your own near the head spring, float down the river and paddle back up.  OR you can put wheels on your kayak and pull it at least 8/10th of a mile on a sandy trail to the campground’s boat launch.   This is what I do.  I take the boat down there as soon as I can and lock it up there so that I have no excuse not to get up early in the morning and go for a paddle up to the spring head.  Sorry for this picture but when I have to set it up on timer, sometimes only part of what I’m trying to get shows up.  I don’t have the patience for many redos and this was the best one having both part of me and part of my “Tootsie” my faithful kayak.

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I did go out every morning.  The walk down and back and the paddling did me good.  I came back to taxes, business and basketball (thank goodness for it).  I can’t stream much until I’m over the limit and they throttle me down.  The joys of Verizon jetpack.

Looking back over the notes in my journal at the time, I’m wondering how I ever got or if I ever got the titles of both Winnona and Ruby switched into my name alone.  I seem to have been calling one agency or another daily.


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The first day I was on the water for 4 hours.  I guess I had nothing to come back for.  The next day 2.5 hours.  I took LOTSSSSSSSS  of pictures.  Here are some of what I saw and what you can see if you kayak the Silver river.   Hope they will lighten up parts of the story I have to tell.


Beautiful waters with BIG manatee.




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I seem to be losing things.  One day I walked down to the kayak and found I hadn’t brought my paddles so I had to go back another 8/10th of a mile for them.  Where is my mind? 


IMG_8017Another day I discovered that somehow I had lost my dermatologist prescribed sunscreen.  I was out in the kayak, needed to put it on and it wasn’t in the drybag.  I thought I’d just forgotten to pack it-where is my mind?-but after looking everywhere back at the rig it was not to be found.   Subsequently when I started to take a shower, no shampoo.  At that point I think I actually must be losing my mind.  The fog is definitely thick and my mind is vague at best.


A pair of Wood Ducks side by side.  They are so beautiful and my favorites as you will see from the numerous pictures of them and their families.


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I always think of halloween candy corn when I see the common moorhen’s beek.

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Black crowned night herons can look very different depending on how they are standing.

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That is a very long nose.

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Every morning for days was filed with wood ducks, alligators, manatee, monkeys, anhinga, cormorant, turtles, green herons.  It was just amazing what I saw every single day.




Until the start of the three dark dreary days here with highs of 58 at best.  They don’t do much to keep me from gloom.  So much of my time I just feel lost anyway and these days of rain don’t help.  I  find myself wanting nothing to eat but junk food.  My carb therapy is mainly Smartfood cheesy popcorn, symphony bars, potato chips and or Peanut Butter M&Ms.  I’m definitely feeling sorry for myself.  If it’s raining I’m inside all day long.  And alone all day long.


IMG_8736And to top it all off, once the rain ended and I could get back on the water, at the end of one morning paddle I was putting the kayak up and just reach over to get the lock, no strain, just a normal reach and heard something snap.  Didn’t sound good but I didn’t notice anything so I walked back.   But by the time I got to the rig my lower back was in agony.  For 4 days at the end of my stay in Silver Springs,  I did no walking, no kayaking, took Aleve every 8 hours, used a heating pad, tried to stay off of my feet and did specific Yoga lower back exercises.  No more beautiful river.  Of course what would I have done with even more pictures of wonderful creatures and beautiful water?

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Unlike the callousness of the personnel at Little Manatee River, the rangers at Silver Springs took a truck and drove down to the kayak launch to bring my boat back for me since I could not possibly pull it even the day before I had to leave.  They also put it on my car for me.   I was so thankful to them for the help.   It’s amazing how much we take for granted being part of a pair in helping each other out in difficult times.   My thanks go out to the folks at Silver Springs Campground.

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I was lucky enough before I was sent off the river by weather and back problems to see several wood duck families.


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And also lucky to see the Rhesus monkeys.  Rhesus monkeys along the banks of the river are not native and can be dangerous.  They bite and scratch however cute they may be.


And they are cute having  a very good time running, swinging and playing in the trees.


Just be aware that no matter how non threatening they may look, they are wild animals and not to be approached or fed.

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Luckily my back had healed enough  to move on to Rainbow Springs when my reservation at Silver Springs was over. The biggest difficulty there was dealing with the Blue Ox hitch in getting the car attached and unattached.  After another couple of days of rest, I was also to able to get my boat in the water and paddle up the Rainbow River.

By this point it has been two over months since David’s death and everything seems to be getting worse not better as many well meaning people assure me it will.  But most of them have never spent 24/7 with someone for 9 years.  “You’ll be feeling better soon” they say.  I’m wondering how anyone ever feels “better”.


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46 comments:

  1. I so admire you getting out to paddle every morning, and the great bird pics. I can go days at a time and never get out of my jammies. That manatee is monstrously huge. After seeing the obnoxious monkeys in South Africa, I better understand some people I know. Absolute drag about your back. Yes, it's different when you are alone without the companion help. I've just recently been humbled enough to get much better at asking for help. Most of the time, people won't turn me down.

    Hopefully, you will feel better, just never quite the same.

    Hugs

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    1. I can only do that at the few parks where paddling is possible and not every morning. In fact the back really shut me down for almost a week.

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  2. Ah, Sherry...so good to hear your voice and see my favorite rivers through your eyes. My heart hurts just imagining what you have been through. So glad you had some help at Silver Springs.

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    1. It's great to see you here Sue. Thank you for caring about me. My heart hurts too months later. I'm actually back at Silver Springs as I type this in 2020.

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  3. Oh my, that woeful little face on the monkey. Your pictures are beautiful as always. I love the little duck families especially. Love to you.

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    1. Love to you too Pam. Thanks for being here with me. I'm sending as much energy and good wishes as I can to your sister. I hope she continues to improve.

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  4. Love those beautiful Wood Duck pictures. Bummer about you back, hope it healed completely before Summer. Thanks for doing this journey of what you did until now.

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    1. It did heal thankfully. I hope I can get this difficult last year caught up so I'm posting about now although not a lot has changed. David is still not here. I still miss him.

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  5. I so admire your strength in continuing to travel alone. And your amazing ability to navigate your motor home and maneuver your kayak by yourself. Your pictures are just gorgeous!!
    I felt your back pain as I took a fall a few weeks ago. Nothing broke but felt like I torqued everything. My heating pad was my best friend for a week.

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    1. Oh Betty I'm so sorry to hear that. Back problems are the worst. Thank you so much for commenting. You for sure know what I am going through.

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  6. Gorgeous pictures! Truly! I remember you telling me about these days...I can't imagine telling someone 2 months out from such a loss that they'd feel better soon...it's such a huge adjustment. So glad Silver Spring was helpful to you. The manatee, birds and monkeys are incredible there and your pictures are divine. Love you today and always.

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    1. Love you today and always as well sweetheart. You are the joy of my life. Glad you like the pictures. It was difficult cutting them down. I have to try harder.

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  7. Sorry to hear your back gave you a problem. I don't know who could possibly say in 2 months you'll be feeling better about your loss. It takes time. You have had to go through mountains of paper work and taxes. But at least you are making yourself paddle and taking pictures and they are always gorgeous. That was a huge manatee or are they all that big? This park seems to have much better Rangers and staff.

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    1. Manatee are VERY big and very gentle. They are just wonderful but you do have to make sure you don't boat over them since they are mammals and come up for air. I'm so glad you like the pictures and appreciate your comment.

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  8. Silver Springs SP brings back so many wonderful memories!!! The four of us shared such fun times there. I believe that was my introduction to Brewsters Ice Cream and the Monkeys!!! Remember when they took over the boat launch and wouldn't let leave the river;-)) I can't imagine being their alone...with on one to share that marvelous place. So appreciate you sharing the wonderful photos of the fantastic nature. It is my FAVORITE place to paddle...or should I say take pictures while Bill paddles;-))) Hoping day by day you keep moving forward.....

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    1. You are so right Nancy. It is very hard being here with no one to share it with but my blog readers. Thank you for being one of them.

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  9. I never much wanted to visit Fla. but your pictures are changing my mind. I can relate to your situation. I lost my husband after 35 years of just the two of us almost 24/7. We did just about everything together. No kids and not much family to share life with. But now after 11 years I am doing fine. We are all individuals and move at our own pace.

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    1. Thank you so much for your comment Doris. I am glad you are enjoying the pictures. It is encouraging to hear that you are doing fine. 11 years is a long time. I feel like I'll be a very old woman by that time.

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  10. Hi Sherry,
    This is my first time here. My good friend Deb recommended this blog to me. I am a full timer also. I am on y own...my sweet husband of 47 years died in an accident he n 9/22/19. I am a Campground Host in Missouri.

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    1. Oh Becky I am so sorry for your loss. Mine feels so recent to me and yours is even more so. Mine was expected and it sounds like yours was a big shock. I hope I'll see a comment from your friend Deb. I'd like to thank her for sending you my way. It is wonderful to have people to talk to even if only on the blog.

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  11. Hi Sherry, your photos are lovely, at least Nature is taking care of your soul...I lost my mom in November, the grief has been a heavy load and it does not disappear...we just learn to manage it I think. Im going through the same issues as you only we did most of the big stuff a couple years ago, the real estate, the bank account. One thing I have learned is AARP is NOT a good company to deal with she had the least amount of insurance with them and they still have not paid, and I learned that Rome was not built in a day so I took a deep breath and gave myself a week off from dealing with such things and it helped me tremendously.
    Again I'm so sorry for your loss.

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    1. Thank you Sondra for your comment. I so appreciate it and know just what you mean that the grief is a heavy load that does not disappear. Very interesting to hear about AARP. I am sorry they are not treating you well. Have you considered getting in touch with your state representative about the treatment you are getting from them. That is unacceptable.

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  12. Another wonderful post Sherry. It shows me that you are beginning to inch your way through the fog and that's a good sign. Time will pass and things will feel less fogged and a little brighter each day. These are the first steps of the new normal your life will take on. You are far from helpless and adrift even if you feel that way. You are doing amazingly well. One foot in front of the other and each day will add a tiny new sense of awe (you will look back in the years ahead and understand what I mean by this) that you are able to achieve these steps. Keep moving forward Sherry, you are doing great. Deb

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    1. Thank you for such a nice compliment and wonderful comment Deb. Some days I feel I am doing well and other days I feel completely lost, overwhelmed and very lonely. Thank you too for the encouragement.

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  13. I hope the paperwork is now done and at least you don't have that to deal well. I really enjoyed your pictures. They are so vibrant and you captured wonderful moments.

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    1. Thank you Karen I'm glad you enjoyed the pictures. I was still on autopilot at this point and as time went on I took fewer and fewer pictures and did fewer and fewer things. I restarted the blog in an effort to motivate me to do things when it all seems to take so much effort.

      The only paperwork now is trying to figure out why I had to pay so much in taxes given that my income is so much less. Lots of folks tell me they had a tax cut with Trumps new rules. I had just the opposite.

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  14. Your pictures are amazing. I can't wait to get to Florida and kayak in March but will avoid the monkeys. Two months is just like yesterday. Give yourself a break. You can't help how you feel.

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    1. Thanks for the encouragement. Hope you love the springs.

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  15. You haven't lost your ability to blog. Your photos and descriptions are beautiful and interesting. The springs are lovely.

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    1. Thank you Flowergirl. It is comments like yours that brought me back and keep me going.

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  16. I loved the shot of the manatee next to your kayak - it must have been wonderful to coast quietly so close alongside this gentle fellow mammal. Very sweet little duck families! :-)))) And those are deceptively heartwarming photos of some *seemingly* very sweet monkeys; I had no idea there were monkeys in Florida, and I’m sorry to learn how invasive they are. Not so different from a certain other primate I could name. It must be kind of surreal to be back in the same park you were in when you lived through the time of this blog entry; I hope it feels like you’ve spiraled up at least a little, but even if not, you’re surrounded by peace and beauty there. Love to you!

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    1. This river is well protected by the park and is one of my favorites. I wish you could be here with me. It's clear you would really enjoy it. I do feel as though I haven't come very far being here and writing about my last visit.

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  17. I'm so glad you were able to find solace and healing in nature, but I can only imagine how incredibly difficult and lonely those rainy, dreary days were. And then hurting your back on top of everything else! How wonderful that the rangers at Silver Springs helped you with your kayak. I enjoy reading your descriptions of the beauty you find. I'm only sorry that for a reason I can't figure out, I can't see your photos. :-( I know they are wonderful.

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    1. Thanks so much Laurel. I'm so sorry you can't see the photos. Some of them I think you would really like though you two are better photographers than I. Is it my blog you can't see it others as well because of your location?

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    2. For some reason, it's only your blog photos that I can't see. :-((

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    3. Maybe I have more and larger pictures than any of the other blogs you read but I know you read many so I'm very disappointed that you can't see the pictures here. That's most of the fun of reading it. Is that true on a phone and a laptop? It just makes no sense.

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    4. Laurel,
      I don't know if you will come back and see this but I had the same issue. The loading symbol would just circle and circle and the text would load but not the photos.

      But I found a solution. At first I hovered over the top photo, right clicked and chose "view image." That would make just that image on the page. I'd hit the back button and now the blog would show that first image in context. I kept doing that for three or four images, and then when I went "back" the rest all loaded.

      Don't ask me why! But they were well worth it.

      Sherry, I would love to kayak in a spring with you as company :) So glad you are continuing your blog. I travel solo and have always found your blog so companionable. Thank you.

      Luna

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  18. One of the things I love about your blog are the photographs of the wildlife. So different from here in the UK! Those wood ducks look lovely. As for feeling better soon, I don't think it works like that. It takes time. For me anyway. I felt as if I was living in a grey fug for a long time and then one day I was driving home from work in the spring sunshine, humming to myself, and I suddenly realised that just for a tiny moment I had felt happy. It only lasted a few moments, but it was enough. After that, I knew that although I would always be sad, I could be happy at the same time.

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    1. Thank you Michele for sharing this with me. I've been feeling particularly lost these past few days. Happy seems a long way away. Hearing your experience helps.

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  19. I hope that kayaking gives some soul soothing moments for you as you remember David with you. Love seeing all the pictures.

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    1. Kayaking us actually the only place where I feel close to "normal". So glad you like the pictures.

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  20. oh my gosh, love the pictures!! Manatees, ducks... oh my!!
    glad yr back got better..

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    1. I'm so glad you enjoy the pictures and that my back got better.

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  21. It's difficult for me to see you go through losing David, Sherry. I so understand the confusion and fog, the loneliness, the feeling that he's gone but everywhere. I, too, spent 24/7 working a business with Rich and traveling--always together. I remember being so overwhelmed in the beginning (still am, at times) thinking, "Why do two more hands seem like a thousand?" Not knowing who to call or what to do when something broke in the house. Meeting cruel people trying to sell me everything from insurance to headstones. Not remembering who I called and who I didn't. I wrote it down, but where did I put the paper? Just a few things that go on every minute of the day. Sometimes it's good to know that someone knows what you are going through. Rich was 63 and I really didn't know anyone who understood so I thought I was going out of my mind, too. Hang on is my only advice. The "waves" will get further apart in time.
    https://thelossfoundation.org/grief-comes-in-waves/
    --Nancy

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  22. I am so sorry we didn't know you were so close to us, Sherry. I would have definitely driven over to give you some hugs and love at the time. I can't know how you feel but have a pretty good idea it would be the same for me.

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Your comments help me in more ways than you can know. Thanks in advance.